Why Anger Hurts - And How to Heal

How many times have we been told that anger only (or mostly) hurts the person who is angry? Or that we should forgive others for our own sake? Anyone who's ever been angry, or frustrated, or held a grudge, which is pretty much 100% of the human population, knows that negative emotions hurt, emotionally. But are there other proven, perhaps long-term physical effects of being angry, or negative? Think of a car that is constantly being driven too fast, taking sharp turns without slowing down. Or a dishwasher that is always full, always running, the water temperature set on "hot." We would expect these machines to experience stress in some areas, to wear out from all the pressure, right? Well, the same could be said about the human body if it's frequently tuned to red: anger, or some similar upsetting state. According to Ted Zeff, PhD, author of The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, "When you become upset with someone, chemical changes occur in your body. When you are feeling resentment and frustration, stress hormones activate the central nervous system and you eventually become habituated to increased muscle tension, heart rate, and blood pressure." In the short term, these conditions might not seem terrible, but consider what happens when our body's hormones begin working against us. Zeff says that a stress hormone called "catecholamine," which is similar to adrenaline, is released during acute anger. An excess of this hormone produces apprehension, anxiety, and fear. When catecholamine increases the heart rate, cardiac problems can result. In addition, when a person is upset in terms of anger, frustration, or resentment, there is an excess of cortisol in the blood stream. This hormone, when present, actually increases agitation, while decreasing serotonin--the hormone that helps us feel calm, happy, and fulfilled. Therefore, becoming intensely angry on a regular basis is like adding fire to fire; the more angry a person feels, the longer they will feel angry, and the harder it will become to put out the flames. Finally, Zeff states, in a chronic angry state, our endorphins, which create a sense of joy, literally dry up. Chronic anger, then, can lead to depression. No doubt, when someone's actions or words upset us, it is easy and natural to become angry. We're only human, after all. However, anger is, quite literally, bad for our health. Many experts tout the benefits of practices such as meditation, yoga, and exercise, to stabilize our emotions. But sometimes, especially for those of us who struggle with intense, chronic anger, this advice is too generic. For those of us who are tired of chronic negative states, those of us who wish to avoid letting anger affect us or our relationships for too long, Zeff suggests the following scripted "heart-centered visualization" meditation: "Think of a recent experience when you felt hurt by another person and became angry. Is your attention focused on your head or your heart? Now breathe deeply and slowly into your belly. Focus on the air filling your abdomen and slowly exhale. Now shift your awareness to the left hand...left elbow...left shoulder...left side of chest into your heart. Feel your heart expanding with love. Deeply experience the peace and harmony in the stillness and calmness of being centered in your heart. Next visualize a positive experience that you've had with the same person. How did you feel toward that person then? Take plenty of time to really visualize their good qualities. Ask yourself, can you let go of the anger? Will you let go of the anger? When will you let go of the anger? The heart knows only love and will always let go of anger. Keep returning to the heart until you have released the anger. Once you have released the anger, you have shifted from a head-centered judgmental framework to heart-centered, caring love." Of Zeff's script, certain skeptics (like myself) might ask, "If the heart knows only love, why does anger make the heart race?" My proposed answer is this: The heart WANTS to know only love, and by depriving the heart of love even for a minute while anger takes a hold of us, our heart grows frightened, like an infant suddenly yanked from its mother, yearning for the familiarity of comfort, of peace, of love. Our hearts don't desire to be overwhelmed with anger anymore than our lungs want to be clogged with tar, or our livers flooded with alcohol. So the next time someone angers you, consider trying the above meditation, or at least looking closely at how anger affects you. I know I don't like the way anger hurts my body, which is why I chose to study this topic. We are a world plagued with anger and hatred, and as Ghandi once said, "If we follow the belief of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, the entire world would be blind and toothless." I already have poor eyesight and bad teeth; at this age, I would be wise to focus on nurturing my heart.

Life Lesson #147: Let Go

This push-and-pull effort, this calculating, this predicting--this attempt to control all the little details--it is dangerous, at best. It is a disease lurking on the outskirts of sanity: A guaranteed, slow, painful death. For there is no control of anything in this life, only the illusion of control, and we strangle ourselves daily with the cords of this illusion. To let go is to untangle ourselves, to set ourselves and everyone around us free, so that we might do more than exist; we might live.

Power Cleaning: Tips for sanity in the home office

"Out of sight, out of mind." Perhaps this is the adage that makes or breaks it for anyone daring enough to work from home. (Yes, I know you out-of-home workers are cringing, saying how jealous you are, that you wish you could roll out of bed in your pajamas and crawl to your desk with your cup of coffee and begin work without a commute. But in truth, working from home, like everything in life, has it's own unique pro's and con's.) Those who commute to the office each day leave their chores behind. I've never read a study that compares the productivity of an office worker versus a home office worker, but my guess is our productivity is, if not less altogether, at least less consistent. Why? The answer just might lurk somewhere within those nasty window smudges that glare at us all day long, because whose responsibility is it to wipe them away? Ours. This morning, my cluttered apartment was mocking me as I attempted to compile a list of research questions for an interview I had scheduled at 11:30. I thought to myself, as I think every...single...glaringly cluttered and smudged day: "How can I focus in this place?" Today, instead of spinning in circles--literally or figuratively--I performed an experiment. "Fifteen minutes," I said. I walked to the kitchen and set the timer on the oven for twelve minutes, knowing I would need about a three-minute warning, that I could not just drop my mop and my can of Lysol as soon as the timer beeped. I'm no stranger to power yoga, or power walking, but power cleaning is a new concept for me. I set that timer, and quickly tackled the messes that were the most nagging, the most immediate, the most obvious. In twelve quick minutes, I managed to put away my daughter's Barbies and morning craft projects, run the trash out to the dumpster, wash our breakfast dishes, Windex my bathroom mirrors, and disinfect the kitchen counter tops. At that point, the beeping ensued. I rushed to the bedroom and put away half of the folded laundry, saving the rest for another day's fifteen minutes of power cleaning. And then I sat down on the couch and wrote this sloppy blog post, which I refuse to proofread; that might take another twelve to fifteen minutes. If you've done any power cleaning today, please don't blog about it. For life's sake, get on with your life. :)

Brainstorm Walkrain

What is it about walking that stirs the brain, resuscitates memory?

MOdeRAtion

"If you put too much pressure on anything--your car, your body, your marriage--you're going to wear it out." These were the wise words of Bryan Kest, repeated often when I attended his power yoga classes in Santa Monica three years ago. They are words to live by, and yet, at the time, I failed to live by them. Staying true to my pattern of excess, I went to Kest's studio six days a week, each time for a ninety-minute session. A quick math equation tells me I was engaging in power yoga for nine hours a week. I am not Madonna. I do not have finely tuned muscles, a dietician, or a world-renowned personal trainer. Nine hours of any physical activity was too much for my underweight frame, which is why, after four months of die-hard devotion, I wound up injured, wearing a wrist brace, unable to do even one downward-facing dog pose. I discovered not long ago that my name appears in the word "moderation." All my life, I've known that this word is the key component of contentment: balance your career, your home life, your relationships, and personal life, and you might attain some sort of success in all areas. But it's taken me a long time--and many injuries, including one to my right knee, which barred me forever from my favorite sport, long-distance running--to strive for this in the physical realm. In the late 1990s, I watched Parkinson's disease consume my father's body. He chose not to do the prescribed stretches and fine motor skill exercises, and he quickly lost his flexibility, dexterity, and balance. Consequently, my father suffered many falls, caused a few minor car accidents, until finally he was hospitalized, permanently, until his death in 2000. So now, for me, athletic activity is no longer a question of force; it's a question of, do I want to maintain my balance and flexibility for as long as nature will allow? Is that important to me? The answer is yes. Recently, I began my own power yoga routine, three years post-injury. Since April, I have vowed to engage in my own thirty-minute routine composed of my favorite poses, three times a week. That's only ninety minutes a week, compared to the nine hours a week I once did. But ninety minutes a week is a whole lot more than nothing, and for me, I hope it equates to a lifetime of flexibility, and a stepping stone towards the ultimate goal: moderation. What area of your life might benefit from a little moderation?

MacBook Blogging

The problem with paragraph breaks seems to be inherent of Macs. If anyone has any advice, I still need it. Thank you!

To the beautiful girl on the bike

"To the beautiful girl on the bike: Please forgive me for being intrusive. I live in Playa Del Rey and often see you riding your bike along the Westchester Parkway. It seems to me that you are suffering in a way that I understand, because I have suffered in much the same way (and still do at times). What I refer to is the struggle with food and exercise, and the deeper and sometimes elusive reasons for this struggle. I am reaching out to you because I know, from experience, that this is a very painful and lonely place to be, and I want you to know that there are people who understand and are empathetic. No doubt, my imposition is awkward and might anger you, which is also understandable. However, I had to take the chance, because each day that I see you, my worry increases. Please consider calling or emailing me. I am not sure I can help, but I can listen and be your friend. Mora Finnerty 310.488.3263 morafinnerty@hotmail.com"