Explaining Suicidal Depression to the Non-Afflicted

In the wake of Robin Williams’ tragic death, people all over the world are posting their thoughts and opinions about depression and suicide. Having spoken with several people who have never considered taking their own lives, who consider suicide to be the “wrong” or “weak” choice, and who advocate “just getting over” one’s sadness, I want to speak out for those of us on the other side, those of us who understand the weight and torment of suicidal thoughts. Professionals often say that depression is “anger turned inward.” Anger, of course, is a feeling that is typically triggered by some external event. Sadness is the same way. Depression, in my experience, is not only a feeling, but a condition—a long-term negative psychological state that carries real physical risks to a person’s life situation and well being. The most severe kind of depression—suicidal depression—can be likened to the condition of rage. Unlike anger, rage is not a fleeting feeling that just crops up after one negative experience. Rage is a deep-seated condition brewing within a person over the long-term. While anger might cause us to give someone the finger on the freeway, rage is what leads people to run someone off the road, or plot mass killings. For the sake of making a distinction between suicidal depression and sadness, I’m going to suggest that it is like comparing rage to anger. Rage often causes a person to inflict outward damage upon others. Suicidal depression often causes a person to inflict harm or even death upon him or herself. One is outward; the other is inward. Both rage and suicidal depression are deeply rooted conditions that a person cannot easily “just get over” without some form of help, be it counseling, medication, meditation, prayer, or some other long-term treatment or combination of treatments. The roots are too deep to be yanked out, and it doesn’t help when someone says, “Just get over it” or, “Everyone feels depressed from time to time.” If you have not been suicidal, I hope you never will be. It is arguably the most painful condition that a person can experience—the desire to leave this world. Suicide is not selfish, nor is it an act of cowardice; suicide is a last resort to escape an unbearable kind of inner agony and hopelessness that seems, to the sufferer, permanent and untreatable. A wise person once said, “We cannot judge what we do not fully understand. We do not fully understand anything.” I think, in the case of suicidal depression, and even rage, none of us has full understanding. But we can breed compassion.